The Case for Good Conversations
Earlier this week, I gave a presentation for summer associates on building lasting business relationships. I focused a lot on thing that actually makes someone want to stay in touch with you: the quality of the conversation itself.
Your Brain on Good Questions
A professor of psychology at Princeton University found that when people share their personal perspectives, it activates the pleasure center of the brain. When you ask someone a thoughtful question, you're literally giving them a neurological reward.
And here's the kicker: they'll associate that feeling with you. Not because you were the most impressive person in the room, but because you were the most curious.
Curiosity Over Performance
Most people approach professional conversations with the wrong mindset. We're focused on what to say: how to sound smart, how to make an impression, how to deliver our elevator pitch smoothly. But the professionals who build the strongest networks aren't performing. They're exploring.
Curiosity shifts the entire dynamic. Instead of trying to prove your value, you're genuinely trying to understand someone else's world. That's disarming. It's generous. And it's rare.
Try leading with prompts like:
"What do you think about…"
"If you had to choose between…"
"Tell me more about…"
These aren't just conversation starters - they're invitations. They signal that you're not just waiting for your turn to talk. You're actually listening.
The Lost Art of Active Listening
And that brings me to the other half of the equation. Asking good questions only works if you're genuinely present for the answers. Active listening — nodding, maintaining eye contact, paraphrasing what you've heard, sharing a similar experience — isn't just polite. It builds mutual understanding and trust.
Be mindful of your nonverbal cues too. Are you leaning in or checking your phone? Are you making eye contact or scanning the room? People notice. And those small signals tell someone whether you're truly interested or just going through the motions.
Curiosity Is a Muscle
The good news is that curiosity isn't a personality trait you either have or you don't. It's a practice. Start small. In an upcoming meeting, challenge yourself to ask one question you don't already know the answer to. At your next networking event, try to learn uncover something new from every person you talk to.
The professionals who build the deepest, most lasting relationships are the ones who are truly curious about other people: their challenges, their perspectives, their stories.
So, the next time you walk into a room full of strangers, forget about being interesting. Focus on being interested. The relationships will follow.